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Grandchildren and my diseased mind

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  Grandchildren and my diseased mind.  Today at 2:23 PM Grandchildren......Aren’t they the most wonderful things in the world!! They can make us do things we wouldn’t normally do. Like getting up at 5 am to spend two hours in the car to go watch a soccer game. My firstborn grandchild even scored a goal! He is the sweetest little man! But he’s not so little anymore. He will soon be 9. And I think about him getting older, graduating high school, etc. But if I believed what my diseased mind told me, I wouldn’t be here to see all that! My diseased mind tells me I need to leave this world behind and make my early entrance into heaven, if indeed that is where we go when we off ourselves. And I believe heaven is where we go if we believe in Jesus Christ as our lord and savior no matter the manner in which we die. Some would argue this point but that is another story for another time. I love my grandchildren and they would only miss me a short time even if they remembered me. But I re...
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Written 9/18/2020 suicide

  Suicide Sep 18, 2020 at 2:40 PM 🔥🔥🔥WARNING WARNING🔥🔥🔥 This blog is no longer about weight loss! It will be about my feelings and how I struggle to survive. This will cover hard topics! You have been warned! ———————————— While everyone else is watching the ballgame I am surfing the web looking for painless ways to die. It seems an overdose of pills is not the way to go. So........ the next day I go to an AA meeting and I hear about how sick my thinking is at times and how I can counter those bad thoughts with good thoughts. And suddenly I am not sure I want to die..... not yet! I really want to be in heaven where I don’t have to worry about anything. The ones I leave behind will Miss me but it gets easier over time. I’m going to die sooner or later anyway right?
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